The part of being a student missionary that all missionaries dread, the day that I tried to not speak about for a long time now and the moment that I knew I would find a challenge with, before even arriving to Africa is coming...... This past Tuesday as I put these two signs up in front of our Welcome Place I took a deep breath as I tried to hold back the tears. During each month that I have been here, I couldn't wait for it to be the end of the month, because I knew that this meant that I would get to go around to all our families, distributing their monthly food parcels and being able to visit all of them. I remember my very first distribution in August and telling myself, "Wow, this is the first of many. 9 more to go." I thought that 9 more was a lot! But then, as Swaziland quickly became my home, I stopped counting how many more distributions I had left before returning to America, because these moments stopped becoming a part of my monthly or daily duties as a "student missionary" or "long-term volunteer" but it became my life. It became a part of me and I love it! My life became less about me and more about them! As I changed the date on the signs to May and put them up, I felt the cold winter breeze hit me and I couldn't believe that winter here in Swaziland is upon us once again. Couldn't believe that it was my tenth distribution as well, because this meant that my return to America was and is near. This meant that as we go around to different areas in our community to deliver their parcels, I would have to tell my children and Swazi families that I was going back to America. My heart feels heavy.... With a mixture of emotions! Happy because I will soon get to hug and see my family and friends in America but so SO sad that I will be far away from my cuties, Swazi family and South African family for some time. Although so many great things are happening, these past days have been some of the hardest of days. It's hard to not look at my children or hug them as they go home after school, without wanting to cry. Cry because I don't want to leave them! Cry because I am not ready to go back to America. I don't think I would ever be ready. The thought of waking up and not being there for them is torture for me right now. But then I am reminded that it is not I but God working through me. I have to continue to trust in God that He will continue to be there for them. Trying my best to continue to laugh and enjoy every moment here even when I feel sad. The children have taught me how to be happy and enjoy life in all circumstances. This past Tuesday we were also able to harvest the sugar beans that we planted when I first arrived here. As I opened up the shell of the beans to take them out. I realized how great God is for allowing me to not only plant the seeds of maize, beans, potatoes and more in our gardens and farms, but He has also allowed me to watch it all grow and be able to harvest it. What a test of patience it was but also what a testament that shows us that God is in our midst during every season of our lives, helping us grow through the moments of heavy rain and even through moments of drought. That just like the beans as we set them out to dry before taking them out from their shells, we must be still, be patient and wait for God until we are ready and His timing. Trusting in Him during every season and every moment. God has called us to plant a seed of love and hope in the hearts of all those that we come in contact with. Showing them that with Christ ALL things are possible and that they are surrounded by many people who are there for them. To lift them up and show them that they can rise above their circumstances. We might not always get to see that seed or seeds that we plant grow, but I feel blessed that God has allowed me to be here to watch my Swazi cuties and families grow. That God has allowed me to be here! To be a part of the growth and development taking place in my Swazi khaya(home)! There is still so much to be done here and seeds that have just been planted or still need to be planted but I know that God will continue to be in our midst and will provide all our needs! As I harvested the beans I also realized that each bean that we planted months ago eventually became nice big plants that flourished into many beans. What a beautiful sight it was to watch it all grow! I realized that when we plant a seed of love and hope into someones life it becomes a ripple effect in which they also begin to plant seeds of love and hope into others' life. As the "I'm going back to America next year" has now turned into "I'm going back to America next week" my heart hurts to know that the day is coming when I won't be here with my cuties in person, but my heart is also full of gratitude. Filled with gratitude to first and foremost God for allowing me to be here, but also to all the beautiful people here in Africa who have allowed me to take part in their lives and journey. For becoming my family and a part of me! E Africa kuse khaya! Africa is home now and God is not finished with me here yet!!!!! I feel blessed for the time that God has allowed me to be here as a student missionary and praise Him for the opportunity that God has opened up for me to God willingly return here next year!!!!!! God has opened up the door for me to continue to be a part of Seeds of Hope Outreach/Saving Orphans Through Health Care & Outreach(SOHO) and I can't wait to share the big news with you all as to how, very soon!!! As well as letting you all know how you can get involved wherever you are! Pray for us, SOHO as we continue to work towards sustainability for the beautiful people of Swaziland! As we strive to continue to... Heal. Educate. Feed. Empower & Nurture. Please continue to pray for me as well as I spend these last days with my cuties before heading back to America. Ngiyakuthanda!! I love you my beautiful children!!! <3 "It is not a goodbye but a see you again soon" Praising God through every season of my life and the season that He is preparing for me back in America as He uses me to continue to represent SOHO and my Swazi cuties. Most importantly as I let God lead and use me for HIS GLORY. This new season in my life will not be easy but I know that He will be by my side. Can't wait for the day when I come back again soon! At the end of the day it's not about the "I" but about the "we". We are all one family, regardless of the color of our skin, our social class standing, financial status and more. We have all been called to reach out to one another and help each other rise above our circumstances. We can each make a difference in someone's life wherever we are. Siyabonga Jesu!!! (Thank you Jesus) To God be the honor and glory! With love, Patty
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Who would have thought that 9 months ago I would arrive to Swaziland and completely fall in love with these beautiful faces? Actually... Way before I met my cuties in person, I loved them already! Was praying for them! Thinking of them AND just couldn't wait to love on them.. I can go for days talking about the moments that I've shared with them, about the challenges that together we were able to overcome, about how much I love them and SO much more but one thing I will say is that.... My Swazi children are so SO special to me and they taught me how to love like a mother loves her children! I think about how my mother was with us growing up and I feel blessed to have a mother who taught me how to be selfless and to give your all to your children. To love without expecting anything in return and to care for those that you love with your all. I love my Swazi cuties... I love everything about them! Here, I have learned to put them first! To do anything to make them smile. To make them laugh. To pick them up when they fall! To wipe away their tears and hug them. Reassuring them that everything will be ok! Being there for them, even in their messiest moments. When they get sick and having to clean up after them. Not feeling disgusted when it comes to having to clean up after them while they are sick. Or when they come and give me a big hug with their cute tiny muddy arms, after playing in the dirt all day or not taking a bath for days. Cleaning their wounds even if its a challenge to see the wound without feeling the chills. I love them! I love them as they are and love being there for them in their toughest days. I love every part of them and I love that the Lord has allowed me to be here for them! I feel grateful that they have allowed me into their lives. That I am no longer just that "Umlungu"(white person) which they would call me by at first, but that I have become their friend and family in which they now call me "Mama Patty" or Teacha Patricia". Soon I will be going back to America and my heart hurts. The thought of leaving them breaks my heart! It's hard not to look at them and not want to cry as I think about that day when I leave. Now I know what it felt like when back in August of last year, my mother had to trust in God to let me get on that plane and watch me go as I left her side to come to Africa. For her to let me come here and realize that she will not physically be here by my side for when I got sick, to hold me and hug me for when I cried and for many other occasions. Being like a mother to these beautiful children, my beautiful children, has been one of the greatest blessings and I wouldn't change these past months for anything! I would re do all the difficult moments over and over again if it means putting a smile on their faces and making a difference in their lives! I love getting to know more about them and them getting to know more of me! Me teaching them and them teaching me, because they don't even realize it, but they taught me so much as well! This Thursday, I wanted to do something special for them before having to leave soon and it was one of the most funnest days! I will forever cherish this moment. As my very own children, I wanted to give them the opportunity to experience something new and from my childhood, Breaking a piñata!!! We made them two small piñatas, which my Mami taught me how to make and would make them for some of our Birthday parties growing up. The smiles on their faces as they broke them and ran towards the candy that would fall out was priceless! It made me so SO happy!!!! Although I am leaving back to America, God willingly I will be back soon and no matter where I go they will always be in my heart and I will be there for them in any way that I can. Just like my Mami had to trust in God to let me come here, I am trusting in God that he will continue to take care of my Swazi cuties and that the distance will never change the love that I have for them! For now, while I am still here.... I will hug them even tighter. Continue to show and tell them how much I love them. AND enjoy every minute with them! God placed me here in Swaziland for a reason and although my time as a student missionary through La Sierra is soon coming to a close, God is not finished with me here yet! I will God willingly, be back again very soon and will continue to be a part of their lives. I can't wait for the moment in which I can bring my mother and family here to introduce them to my cuties and everyone here in my Swazi home that have become family! Thank you Lord for life and for the gift of love! AND of course thank you mami for showing me through not only your words but actions as well, what a great Godly mother looks like. If this is a glimpse of what it feels like to be a mom, what a precious gift from God it will be! E Africa kuse khaya! <3 (Africa is home now) Ngiyakuthanda! I love you my Swazi cuties! <3 With love, Patty To say that these past months have been a walk in the park or easy would be a lie but man can I say that God is so SO good! He is present and He is my strength! He hears us when we call out to Him and He reminds me daily of His love towards us. After the passing of my sweet little Melusi I was heartbroken, but with the Lord as my strength, He has allowed me to continue with the work that He has called me to do here. Have you ever faced the challenge in your life where the world around you seems to be falling apart? People around you that you love and care about passing away? Having your heart broken by someone? Things not going well in school? Questioning what your purpose in life is? And the list can go on. Many of us face the challenge in life where something goes wrong or someone hurts us, breaking our heart. Whether it be someone whom you love breaking your heart or someone dear to you that you trusted. Could even be a stranger who chooses the wrong words or actions to express themselves towards you or those around you. While here in Swaziland I have faced the challenge of watching as some of my cute innocent little children are abandoned by their parents because they feel that they can't take care of them or choose not to. Or mother's who have children and choose to follow a guy so they leave their children with their Gogo(grandmother) or Make(mother). I've also seen how many people here in Swaziland watch stealing take place, accepting it as a norm and teaching the children that it's ok to steal to get what you want. Swaziland has become my khaya(home) and what hurts my children hurts me. It hurts me to watch them hurt. To watch them struggle. To watch them as they have to become like adults at such a young age to be able to take care of one another. To watch as so many people whom they love and that I've grown to love pass away due to illnesses or tragedies. We live in a world with so much pain and hurt where people are mistreating each other, abandoning each other or causing harm in a way in which we feel the pain will never end BUT through it all God is in the midst bringing peace, grace and healing. I'm a strong believer that grace that is extended with love conquers ALL because God conquers it all through His love and grace. I would agree when they say that its easy for us to expect grace to be extended to us but when its our turn to extend that grace, we find it more of a challenge. Back in December I watched as two people close to my heart here in Swaziland dared to steal many things from us.... As well as other cases in which we still don't know who stole our items. I was heartbroken! Not because of the materialistic items because those come and go, but because of the fact that people that we trusted and care for would do that to us. Before finding out who they were my biggest challenge for weeks was looking into the eyes of my children and all the families that we care for here, not knowing who it was. I also came across another situation in January when we had a clothing distribution for those who helped us at our SOHO farm. One of the lady's tried to steal clothing items by tucking them in between pockets of other items or in pants. As I caught her my heart sunk. I didnt know what to do or say... I turned to one of our helpers for guidance on what to do and she told me, "You either ignore it or get used to it!" I couldn't believe the words that came out of her mouth. I gave the lady the amount of items that they were allowed to get and off she went. I was so in shock. I felt numb. I just didn't know what to do. She simply walked away, without a "I'm sorry" or anything.... That night I cried... Cried because I couldn't accept the fact that this is what some of the adults here in Swaziland are teaching their children. Cried because I couldn't accept the fact that they are stealing from the same hands that gives them all that we can give. About two weeks later is when I really got to experience that grace that Jesus shows us throughout scripture. One Saturday, as the Sabbath came to a close and I was taking a Sabbath nap, I was awakened by a phone call from Make(mother) Monica to Ma Joy. She was frantic, telling her that a gogo who lives down the hill near where we live was hurt. We didnt know exactly what was going on. Was she still alive? Is she ok? What was wrong? I quickly ran down the hill with Make Monica's son as we shouted out to her searching to find out exactly where they were. We found them! We found the lady lying on the ground unconscious. It seemed as if she had injured herself while chopping wood. I quickly ran back home to tell Ma Joy and Pa Louis, who are my South African parents that I live with. They were already at the gate waiting for us to be able to take the gogo to the hospital. We were able to get people to help us carry the gogo up the hill to where our van was. As we entered the van Make Monica told us that we must wait for her niece who had the gogo's medical documents. Then, I come to find out that the niece is not only but the lady who a few days back tried to steal. My heart sunk as she entered the van and together we helped her aunt. That night, putting what happened aside we worked together for the good of her aunt. The following day I was asked to go back down the hill to where this gogo's home was. The family wanted to talk to me. It didn't dawn on me that the reason they told me to go down there was to give me the news that this gogo who was ill passed away. As I was sitting there in their living room, the niece walked in sobbing. I couldn't just sit there and just watch her cry. I hugged her and comforted her. At that moment I learned to put my anger and hurt aside, to love regardless of what had happened. Grace is extending love to all! A month later in February I found out who stole one of my personal belongings. I ended up finding out that it was one of my very own girls from a teen camp that I had the privilege of leading back in August. My heart was broken to find out who it was and how she went about in doing it. Even so, my heart was broken because she showed no remorse towards what she did and was forced to ask me for forgiveness. What to do or say to her when I face her? Was my question at that moment. I didn't know, but I did know that God would guide me and help me through it. A few days after finding out, her and her mother came to see us to apologize. We could've reported it to the police and she would have been in big trouble but instead I CHOSE TO EXTEND GRACE! As much as she hurt me and I felt as if my trust in her was stripped away I couldn't do that to her. I extended that grace, that trust me was hard to do. But how can I not? If God does the same when I fall, when we fall. He gives us that second chance to get right back up. That night when she came to apologize I poured out my heart to her. I told her how much I care about her and that I want nothing but the best for her. That I want her dreams and goals that she told me about back in August to become a reality. That the wrong choices that we make in life have consequences but that doesn't mean that she can't get right back up and do good. My trust was definitely tested these past months and I found it so hard to trust those around me after all that had happened, but the Lord has helped me through it. My frustration in the parents of my sweet innocent children here and the examples that they give them continued and continues to frustrate me but I have come to realize that not everyone here is the same. That there are amazing people here who are trying to rise above their circumstances and work hard . That there are parents, family members and gogos who are trying their best to raise these beautiful children. In this world full of pain, challenges and evil we must learn to rise above it all and show them that Christ has conquered and continues to conquer it all with love! I have come to realize that when we face such situations in which you are frustrated with what is happening around you, you can either choose to be upset about it all, simply complaining and just watching it all continue to happen, or you can choose to rise above the circumstance, seeing how you can make a positive change. I have also come to realize that "forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner"- Max Lucado When people hurt us or those that we love, it is difficult to not feel like retaliating but as we see in John 13 Jesus leads by example. On that final night, when Jesus and His disciples gathered in the upper room for Passover Jesus chose to do something that most people during that time wouldn't dare to do. This was something that was common for the slaves to do for their masters. Jesus, the Son of God, humbly washed the disciples feet! He didn't just choose one but He washed the feet of all of the disciples, even though He knew that they would betray Him, not trust in Him and leave Him to face His accusers alone. So what does God do to all those that do wrong? He washes their feet! How beautiful is that! Many people would then ask theses questions.... "You expect me to wash his/her feet after all that he/she did to me? And simply just let what happened go?" "Most people don't want to....... Most people keep a pot of anger on low boil. "But you aren't most people" Grace has happened to you. Look at your feet. They are wet, grace soaked. Your toes and arches and heels have felt the cool basin of God's grace. Jesus has washed the grimiest parts of your life. He didn't bypass you and carry the basin toward someone else. If grace were a wheat field, he's bequeathed you the state of Kansas. Can't you share your grace with others? Revenge won't paint the blue back in your sky or restore the springs in your step. No. It will leave you bitter, bent, and angry. Give the grace you've been given. You don't endorse the deeds of your offender when you do. Jesus didn't endorse your sins by forgiving you. Grace doesn't tell the daughter to like the father who molested her. It doesn't tell the oppressed to wink at injustice. The grace-defined person still sends thieves to jail and expects an ex to pay child support. Grace is not blind. It sees the hurt full well. But grace chooses to see God's forgiveness even more. It refuses to let hurts poison the heart." -Max Lucado This past week I had the opportunity to work with our form school(high school) students that we have on our education fund. Education here in Swaziland is not easy to obtain because form school is not free. Many students end up dropping out at a very young age. Thanks to generous sponsors and donations, through our education fund, we are able to help as many students as we can with their school fees, uniforms or transportation costs for the year. We had an Education Fund Camp, in which we brought in "Real Life Role Models" speakers, had workshops, devotionals, a work program where the students helped harvest the maize at our SOHO farming land, helped at our community garden and so much more. As I got to know these wonderful students more during this past week I was reminded of how hard working these children in Swaziland are. I've realized that we must set that example for them, that they possibly all don't get to see at home. That we must show them that hard work does pay off. That it's better to work hard for the things that you want. That there are people who love them, want them to succeed and are there to support them. That they are not alone! That they will face challenges but that we serve a God that will be with them every step of the way. That they are loved by us and most importantly loved by God! I have faith... I have hope.... That these children... That this community... That the people here in Swaziland... The people that have become family... Will rise above their circumstances and achieve all that they set their minds to. That they will see that together they can work hard to succeed. That they will realize that they are surrounded by people who love them. Most importantly that they will know that there is a God of grace and love! One night, during camp, I was making cookies with one of our campers and as we were making them she randomly told me, ''Miss Patricia, I've been to many camps but I really like this one. With this one I feel like I am really growing spiritually and mentally. Thank you.'' Her words made my day because everything we do here is for them. For them to grow and see that they do have a bright future ahead of them in the midst of their challenges. On Friday, the last day of camp, we also drove some of the students back to their homesteads. As we dropped of the last camper, she got off the van and with a big smile on her face as she hugged me said, ''Bye, bye. I love you.'' I then responded back to her, ''I love you too. See you again soon''. I am not a student missionary to receive anything in return but I am a servant of God because I want people to experience that same love and grace that God gives to me, to all of us. I want to reflect Christ so that many can come to know Him. But I must say that my heart was happy as she told me those words. Happy because it made me realize that she is happy! Happy because in the midst of our frustration we as SOHO are doing something right. Happy because I hope that she is experiencing the love of Christ. I have found grace, peace, love and forgiveness! 1 John 4:7 With love, Patty Our Education Fund Students These children... My beautiful Swazi children are so hardworking and loving! They are what keeps me going. I admire them for their strength and courage! They've taught me how to laugh and smile through everything! Finding beauty and happiness in everything! I love them so SO much! <3
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