The part of being a student missionary that all missionaries dread, the day that I tried to not speak about for a long time now and the moment that I knew I would find a challenge with, before even arriving to Africa is coming...... This past Tuesday as I put these two signs up in front of our Welcome Place I took a deep breath as I tried to hold back the tears. During each month that I have been here, I couldn't wait for it to be the end of the month, because I knew that this meant that I would get to go around to all our families, distributing their monthly food parcels and being able to visit all of them. I remember my very first distribution in August and telling myself, "Wow, this is the first of many. 9 more to go." I thought that 9 more was a lot! But then, as Swaziland quickly became my home, I stopped counting how many more distributions I had left before returning to America, because these moments stopped becoming a part of my monthly or daily duties as a "student missionary" or "long-term volunteer" but it became my life. It became a part of me and I love it! My life became less about me and more about them! As I changed the date on the signs to May and put them up, I felt the cold winter breeze hit me and I couldn't believe that winter here in Swaziland is upon us once again. Couldn't believe that it was my tenth distribution as well, because this meant that my return to America was and is near. This meant that as we go around to different areas in our community to deliver their parcels, I would have to tell my children and Swazi families that I was going back to America. My heart feels heavy.... With a mixture of emotions! Happy because I will soon get to hug and see my family and friends in America but so SO sad that I will be far away from my cuties, Swazi family and South African family for some time. Although so many great things are happening, these past days have been some of the hardest of days. It's hard to not look at my children or hug them as they go home after school, without wanting to cry. Cry because I don't want to leave them! Cry because I am not ready to go back to America. I don't think I would ever be ready. The thought of waking up and not being there for them is torture for me right now. But then I am reminded that it is not I but God working through me. I have to continue to trust in God that He will continue to be there for them. Trying my best to continue to laugh and enjoy every moment here even when I feel sad. The children have taught me how to be happy and enjoy life in all circumstances. This past Tuesday we were also able to harvest the sugar beans that we planted when I first arrived here. As I opened up the shell of the beans to take them out. I realized how great God is for allowing me to not only plant the seeds of maize, beans, potatoes and more in our gardens and farms, but He has also allowed me to watch it all grow and be able to harvest it. What a test of patience it was but also what a testament that shows us that God is in our midst during every season of our lives, helping us grow through the moments of heavy rain and even through moments of drought. That just like the beans as we set them out to dry before taking them out from their shells, we must be still, be patient and wait for God until we are ready and His timing. Trusting in Him during every season and every moment. God has called us to plant a seed of love and hope in the hearts of all those that we come in contact with. Showing them that with Christ ALL things are possible and that they are surrounded by many people who are there for them. To lift them up and show them that they can rise above their circumstances. We might not always get to see that seed or seeds that we plant grow, but I feel blessed that God has allowed me to be here to watch my Swazi cuties and families grow. That God has allowed me to be here! To be a part of the growth and development taking place in my Swazi khaya(home)! There is still so much to be done here and seeds that have just been planted or still need to be planted but I know that God will continue to be in our midst and will provide all our needs! As I harvested the beans I also realized that each bean that we planted months ago eventually became nice big plants that flourished into many beans. What a beautiful sight it was to watch it all grow! I realized that when we plant a seed of love and hope into someones life it becomes a ripple effect in which they also begin to plant seeds of love and hope into others' life. As the "I'm going back to America next year" has now turned into "I'm going back to America next week" my heart hurts to know that the day is coming when I won't be here with my cuties in person, but my heart is also full of gratitude. Filled with gratitude to first and foremost God for allowing me to be here, but also to all the beautiful people here in Africa who have allowed me to take part in their lives and journey. For becoming my family and a part of me! E Africa kuse khaya! Africa is home now and God is not finished with me here yet!!!!! I feel blessed for the time that God has allowed me to be here as a student missionary and praise Him for the opportunity that God has opened up for me to God willingly return here next year!!!!!! God has opened up the door for me to continue to be a part of Seeds of Hope Outreach/Saving Orphans Through Health Care & Outreach(SOHO) and I can't wait to share the big news with you all as to how, very soon!!! As well as letting you all know how you can get involved wherever you are! Pray for us, SOHO as we continue to work towards sustainability for the beautiful people of Swaziland! As we strive to continue to... Heal. Educate. Feed. Empower & Nurture. Please continue to pray for me as well as I spend these last days with my cuties before heading back to America. Ngiyakuthanda!! I love you my beautiful children!!! <3 "It is not a goodbye but a see you again soon" Praising God through every season of my life and the season that He is preparing for me back in America as He uses me to continue to represent SOHO and my Swazi cuties. Most importantly as I let God lead and use me for HIS GLORY. This new season in my life will not be easy but I know that He will be by my side. Can't wait for the day when I come back again soon! At the end of the day it's not about the "I" but about the "we". We are all one family, regardless of the color of our skin, our social class standing, financial status and more. We have all been called to reach out to one another and help each other rise above our circumstances. We can each make a difference in someone's life wherever we are. Siyabonga Jesu!!! (Thank you Jesus) To God be the honor and glory! With love, Patty
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